Horny. But The Beloved Spouse Is Uncooperative

I don't care if you're mad at me!  Come back here and do meee!!!

Perhaps the most annoying thing about a marital spat is when one really wants to get laid, but the other one is so preoccupied with his or her righteous anger, that it's just not gonna happen.


I'm not even going to say it's the tears or the glaring or the banging of cabinets or the i'm-going-to-come-home-late-just-to-annoy-you thing that my husband does.  Nope.  It's the fact that... I.  AM.  NOT.  GETTING.  ANY.  I don't know if this is an aberration of female behavior, but amidst my irritation at my husband's childishness, I still want to do him.  

If men who are sexually frustrated get "blue balls", what do I have then???

I mean, geeze!  Our son is having a nap.  It's a lovely day.  I'm effing horny.  But nooo...he's maaaad at me, so he'd rather gaze at Dr. Oz right now.  All because a neighbor gave me a hug during our barbecue, when he was about to leave.  My body didn't even move away from my seat.  I just patted him with both arms.  Our freakin' torsos didn't even touch.  There was a table in front of me.  What the heck, dude, I mean, seriously, what the heckkk???  I swear, I really should just be a rude bitch and stop being friendly to anyone beyond the third degree of consanguinity.  

(I apologize if I'm getting uncivilly worked up.  Unfulfilled desire does that to me.)


It's so irritating cause I love my husband dearly, wholly, with all that I am.  And this?  THIS???  What does he think of me?  Some hoe???  Maybe if our neighbor was Robert Pattinson or George Clooney, then maybe, just maybe, he is entitled to feel a tad bit threatened.  But, sorry for saying this, our neighbor doesn't even come close to RPattz's toenail.

Robert Pattinson Tutorial On How To Do A Breast Self Exam (BSE).  The American Cancer Society recommends doing the BSE one week or more after your menstrual period.

Moving on...In Psychiatric Nursing, we were taught about defense mechanisms.  These are methods, usually unconsciously done, of managing anxiety.  It's such a simple topic because you don't have to be in the medical/health care field to know you've used at least 10 of the Ego defense mechanisms.  Let's see what I can utilize to treat female blue balls:

 DENIAL: failure to acknowledge an intolerable thought, feeling, experience, or reality.  Ex. Lindsay Lohan saying that she "doesn't have a problem".


DISPLACEMENT:  redirection of emotions or feelings to a subject that is more acceptable or less threatening.  Ex. Ahmadinejad kicking his dog when he's actually thinking of Obama.


PROJECTION:  Attributing to others one's unacceptable feelings, impulses, thoughts, or wishes.  Ex.  Sarah Palin saying democrats just dislike her.


UNDOING:  An attempt to erase an unacceptable act, thought, feeling or desire.
Ex.  Obsessive compulsive behaviors


COMPENSATION:  An attempt at excelling at something to overcome a real or imagined shortcoming
Ex. Tom Cruise being a great actor.


SYMBOLIZATION:  A less threatening object or idea is used to represent another
Ex. Dreams, phobias


SUBSTITUTION:  Replacing desired, impractical or unobtainable objects with one that is acceptable or attainable.
Ex. Jesse James dating Kat Von D.


INTROJECTION:  a form of identification in which there is a symbolic taking into oneself the characteristics of another.
Ex. Rihanna blaming herself for Chris Brown's behavior.


REPRESSION: unacceptable thoughts are subconsciously kept from awareness
Ex. Inability to remember a traumatic event.


REACTION FORMATION:  Expressing attitude directly opposite to unconscious wishes/fears
Ex.  Being excessively kind to a person who you'd rather murder.


REGRESSION:  Return to an earlier developmental phase in the face of stress
Ex. bed-wetting, baby-talk


DISSOCIATION:  Detachment of painful emotional experience from consciousness
Ex. sleep-walking, amnesia


SUPPRESSION:  Consciously putting a disturbing thought or incident out of awareness.
Ex. Me putting off confronting my husband.


SUBLIMATION:  Substituting constructive activity for strong impulses that are not acceptable.  A healthy way of coping.
Ex.  Starting a blog instead of bashing the next unsuspecting passerby into a bloody pulp because my husband isn't talking to me and I'm horny at the same time.